Square Pegs and Round Holes
by NoobFish
Summary: Ron's battling in the fight of his life against none other that Shego! And this time the stakes are higher than ever. The price: Kim's love. A look at the quintessential K/R vs KiGo argument that all authors must ask themselves: who deserves Kim more?


This mission was easy, really. He was surprised that he was pulling it off, but nonetheless, it was a simple matter of parachuting onto the top of the forty-storey apartment high-rise building. If trailing along the coat-tails of Kim had taught him anything, it was that screaming while freefalling was an extremely undignified way of dying, and with that in mind, he managed to maintain all outwards appearance of stealth until his feet touched solid ground.

On touchdown, Ron immediately spilled the air out and captured his parachute, quickly stuffing it into his pack while surveying the rooftop. No doubt this was the building. Upscale and luxurious: the only way anyone could have afforded one of these units was to own at least two multi-billion dollar businesses, or lied, cheated and stole their way in. There was little doubt on his mind that his target did the latter. Whipping a length of rope around a stylish plaster fixture at the corner, he peered down five-hundred feet of sheer vertigo, and gulped.

Usually Ron would have given up and gone home at this point. He'd sit down and expect Kim to come and rescue him. But not this time. This time, he needed to do this. _This is for Kim_, he thought to himself as he slowly inched his way off the edge of the building. Rappelling foot by painstaking foot, he held on for dear life every time a strong updraft hit the side of the building, churning his already queasy stomach.

Finally, he made his way to an open balcony, and ducked behind the deck chairs on the balcony. Spying through the glass door, he couldn't see any figure or movement within. Holding his breath, he crept up to the sliding glass doors that separated the balcony from the rest of the apartment. To his amazement, he found the door unlocked, and he gingerly slid it open just wide enough to let himself in. As he silently snuck across the living room, Ron was about to congratulate himself on a Kim-worthy infiltration, when a coffee table decided to meet his shin head-on.

Wincing in pain, Ron stumbled backwards, only to flail around and hit a large vase resting on the mantle. Ron could only watch as he landed on his rear, the seeming slow motion as the vessel tumbled through the air painful to his tense nerves. He winced as the vase met the floor before exploding into a mess of broken shards.

An instant later the lights came on and a yawning green-skinned woman with long obsidian black hair, dressed in a pair of silk emerald green pajamas pants and shirt, called out, "Hey Princess... If you wanted to surprise me, you could have just used the front..." She stopped short as her blurred eyes finally registered the startled blond in her living room. "Stoppable!" she snarled in fury, as she glared at the intruder.

"Shego!" Ron yelled as he jumped to his feet, ignoring the stabbing pain in his bruised rear.

"What are you doing here?" Shego shouted as she grabbed the heaviest object she could lay her hands on, which happened to be a thick glass ashtray and hefted it as though she was about to throw it.

"I'm here for Kim!" Ron yelled, as he puffed out his chest defiantly. "I know all about you two and your 'secret' meetings!"

"Hmph," Shego's lips curled into a thin smile before mockingly replying, "I guess you're not that stupid after all. Took you long enough."

"I've suspected it for a long time already!" Ron shouted. "She's always busy, telling me that she has to go on these GJ 'top secret' missions and that she should go alone!"

"Fine," Shego shrugged. "You caught us. So that doesn't explain why you're here."

"I'm here to take Kim back!" Ron replied defiantly. "She's my girlfriend, and I won't have you ruining her reputation by seducing her and tempting her to your evil ways!"

"Hah!" Shego barked out. "She's the one who came onto me first! I bet you don't even know your girlfriend is as queer as a three-and-a-half dollar bill!"

"She's not!" Ron shot back. "You must have done something to her... Maybe mind-control or love potion... Or maybe you impregnated her with twins using your own DNA with some help from Drakken so that you conned her into marrying you while professing some lame promises to come back to the good side and turn in your previous employer. Like anyone would believe that."

"For your information, she's not pregnant!" Shego shot back in annoyance. "We both love each other, and I'm staying on this side, while she's still fighting crime. We keep our professional and personal lives apart. The only caveat is that when I'm in jail, she gets conjugal visits."

"Wrongsick!" Ron howled as he covered his ears and sang, "Lalalala... I'm not hearing this! Kim's not a lesbian! Her and you? That's so wrong it's just... Wrong! It's like a square peg and a round hole, you get what I mean?"

"No?" Shego shook her head at the odd teenager.

"Square pegs and round holes? It just doesn't fit!" Ron flailed his hands as he gestured wildly. "It doesn't make sense! You don't expect me to believe that she's always had the hots for you, and that every time you two fight, you two are actually wrestling around on the ground enjoying the feel of each other's body! I mean, c'mon! That's just... Square pegs and round holes!"

"Oh yeah?" Shego yelled back as she slammed the ashtray in her hands down on the table. "Do you want to know what's really a square peg and round hole? You and Kim! That's what!"

"What's wrong with that?" Ron asked in surprise.

"You two are more like brother and sister with the way you grew up together!" Shego hollered. "I don't know how you couldn't it into your head that she's almost like a sister to you! Hell, the fact that you never noticed might technically make your relationship even more incestuous!"

Ron shook his head fervently as he replied just as hotly, "We're childhood friends who after a lot of trials and tribulations finally realize our love for each other and will live happily ever after! This is the happiness that we deserve after everything we've been through _together_! She even planned for us to get married right out of high school!"

"Yeah right!" Shego snorted in disgust. "That was your idea, you moron, Kim said as much! Besides, do you know statistically how many people who marry right out of high school get a divorce within five years? Eighty-percent! That's how ridiculous this whole concept is! No one ever meets their one true love when they're five!"

"We were four!" Ron hotly corrected her. "And hey! We are the exception to that fact! That's what makes our relationship special, and you are just here to screw things up with your unnatural ways!"

"Oh please," Shego groaned. "Hello! Twenty-first century here! Homosexuality isn't some taboo now! What is wrong with you? Do you think that love between two people is wrong?"

"Love between two women is wrong!" Ron yelled back. "It goes against the laws of nature! How do two women have sex anyway? It's not even a square peg and round hole thing anymore! It's like… Two holes!"

Shego stormed up to the blond and cuffed him over the head, her voice rising with her levels of exasperation and annoyance. "That was just plain rude and homophobic... For Christ's sake, Stoppable, you sound as bad as Steve!" Ron flinched slightly at being compared to Steve Barkin, but before he had time to digest the implications of being compared to that military man and his 'Don't ask, don't tell' policy, Shego strung him up further. "Besides, I don't need your approval for our relationship! You're just the jilted lover! Besides we don't 'have sex', we make love, and if Kim was here right now, I'd be more than happy to show you how! Besides, you're always doing something to hurt Kim's feelings! Like going to Japan to meet your little geisha floozy over there!"

"Yori and I are just friends!" Ron insisted angrily. "Our relationship is strictly just between classmates!"

"Really?" Shego raised a cautious eyebrow. "Isn't that because you just didn't know she was crushing on you so badly until after she had moved on? What about that blonde girl who has been eyeing you at school? And I bet that you'd even sleep with Bonnie even if you were with Kim and had the chance to get away with it!"

"No way!" Ron shook his head. "I knew Yori was interested, but I didn't want her, I wanted Kim! Same with Tara! Kim is my life! I could never choose anyone over her!" Ron took a breath to continue his tirade, pointing an accusatory finger at the green-hued woman in front of him. "So stop painting me as some loser jock who'd let my success go to my head and fall in love with just any girl! I love Kim and I would never cheat on her!"

"Oh yeah?" Shego nodded her head slowly. "Look, you're not even the right guy for Kim. She needs someone she can rely on, someone who can take care of her, someone who is more attentive to her needs! You fail in all three categories!"

"I have been her faithful sidekick for fourteen years!" Ron's eyes bulged in anger. "If that doesn't make me reliable, I don't know what does. And I'm attentive! I'm an attentive boyfriend!"

"If you were so attentive, how come you didn't know that your girlfriend was playing for the other team?" Shego waggled her eyebrows. "Besides, I give Kim what she needs. Excitement in our relationship, similar interests, hot lesbian lovin' and I complement her so much better! Look at your list of feeble achievements; the only things you're good at are cooking and running away!"

"I've done a lot more than that!" Ron shot back. "I've won American Starmaker, I've invented the Naco! I made my first million before I was sixteen!"

"And lost it all the very next day!" Shego pointed out with a smirk. "Face it, kid, I know all about her feelings about you. Hell, she tells me things she doesn't tell her friend Monique! Like how she thinks you're just an immature little barnacle hanging onto the coat tails of Kim's success looking for a piece of ass. Or how about the fact that she only tolerates you because she pities you, and the fact that you _have_ been friends for so long?" Ron winced at her assertions, and the thief smiled like a shark smelling blood in the water. "You're just a sad little puppy basking in her success. You spent your whole life looking up to her and you place her up there on that pedestal to be worshipped! You're more like an idolizer than a boyfriend! I am more of her equal, worthy of being her girlfriend."

"Square peg and round hole!" Ron howled again. "It doesn't matter! You tried to kill her! You actually tried to kill her! Many times, I might add! I mean, how in the world could anyone fall for someone else who tried to kill her? Am I talking Stockholm Syndrome here? Hello?"

"Oh please, I was just doing my job," Shego waved the young blond off. "Kim understands that it was merely professional, and we are actually very much in love with each other. We just don't let matters like work interfere with our loving relationship."

Ron fake gagged as he gaped goggle-eyed at the older woman. "I don't buy it for a moment that you two are in love with each other! If she loves you so much, why do you two have to sneak around with your relationship? Why don't you just come out and announce that you're gay for Kim?"

"That's because it's for her benefit!" Shego cried out, horrified at the denseness of the young blond in front of her. "I would come clean and go to jail for her! But all her sponsorship deals and good publicity she receives would go out the window if she announced something like that! You're just her cover for the good-girl image that she portrays to the rest of the world! And what with her family being all religious and all that..."

"What are you talking about?" Ron asked. "What sponsorship deals? What publicity? You are straight out delusional. Mr. and Mrs. Dr. P don't even call themselves Christians, much less go to church. And they're completely accepting of homosexuals..."

"You have to be mistaken..." Shego paused for a moment as she struggled to realize the implications. "Kim said that her parents weren't going to be understanding and that we should give them time while Kim brings them around to the idea..."

"No way!" Ron replied incredulously. "I was over for dinner the other day, and they were talking about how Cousin Larry came out of the closet finally, and how his parents weren't taking it too well and almost kicked him out of the house. Mrs. Dr. P said that if that happens, they would take Larry under their roof in a heartbeat."

"But... But..." Shego stammered. "But... Kim... She... She... Said her dad..."

Ron sing-songed his words triumphantly, "Guess someone doesn't know everything about her girlfriend!"

"Where is she now?" Shego asked, as she fumbled for the phone on the coffee table in a fluster. "I got to call her... I have to ask her..."

"I thought she was with you..." Ron said in surprise. "She said she was on one of her solo missions and that she'd be gone for the weekend. That's why I'm here! Otherwise..." He fumbled aimlessly with his hand as he let his words trail off.

"She said she was going to be with you!" Shego exclaimed in surprise. "She wanted to spend some friend time with you and try to back away from the boyfriend-girlfriend thing...!"

"Oh god," Ron gaped wide-mouthed. "Where is she?"

"She's not picking up!" Shego exclaimed frantically, as she listened intently to the phone receiver. "Where is she?"

"You don't suppose..." Ron cautiously ventured.

"She's... She's not answering _my_ call..." Shego spoke slowly. She thought about the situation, the certainty Ron had about Kim's family, and the honesty he'd seen in her eyes. "Could she be..."

"Cheating on both of us?" Ron asked, and Shego nodded, the blood clearly drained from his face.

"Oh god," Shego felt a little faint, as she leaned on Ron's shoulder. "No way... She lied to me..."

"She lied to us..." Ron corrected, as he sighed. "Just when you think you know a person..."

"Yeah, I guess she's the dysfunctional one," Shego replied sadly. "Not us... I'm sorry about what I said about you just now… It's just that I was so worked up over Kimmie… You're a nice guy who loves to cook for your girlfriend... You know how many women would _kill_ for a guy like that?"

"Hey, Shego, you ain't half bad yourself," Ron comforted her. "I mean, if Kim was really a lesbian and not jerking my chain around, I couldn't think of a better lesbian to be her life partner than you."

"Yeah, thanks," Shego nodded as she leaned in to whisper in his ear and tickled him with her breath. "But you know something? I'm not entirely a lesbian… I like guys too…"

"Oh?" Ron's face screwed up in confusion.

"Well, we aren't talking about square pegs and round holes here… You're a guy," Shego playfully traced a finger on his chest. "And I'm a girl… There's no reason we, two lonely people, have to be alone tonight. Besides, she _did_ lie to both of us…"

"Oh!" Ron's eyes shot up in amazement as a pair of glossy black lips closed over his, as he felt himself pushed backwards onto the comfy leather couch and a set of delicious curves that felt soft in all the right places pressed on him. Tonight, he might just have lost his girlfriend, but right now that's the furthest thing from his mind.

* * *

**Epilogue**

"Hmm?" Kim suddenly sat up in bed in the darkened room. "Oh god..."

"Huh?" A figure lying next to her stirred. "What's wrong, Kim?"

"I just had a bad feeling," Kim replied, as she tried to shake the uneasy feeling away.

"C'mon, Kim," the voice said. "Come here, and let me make you feel all better."

"I don't know," Kim shrugged. "It's late..."

"Oh come here," the voice snapped playfully as two slender arms wrapped around her waist and pressed her warm body against Kim's back. A pair of lips gently nibbled on the edge of Kim's earlobe and her fingers ran all over Kim's belly, before tantalizingly exploring south, slipping teasingly under the band of her sweatpants.

"Alright," Kim finally relented with a smile, as she turned to kiss her lover. Pulling away for a moment, she gazed into the bright blue eyes under her and murmured, "I love you, Bonnie."

"I love you too, Kim."

* * *

**Author's notes**

Make RonGo, not K/R or KiGo flamewars.

Beta'd and partially co-authored by kgs-wy, an avowed pairing fan of most KPverse pairings! Except for DraGo and RoKken... He just can't stand 'em, but doesn't care if people write 'em... He feels that Drakken is a whiny little boy in a man's body who is too immature to handle a serious relationship, especially with someone like Shego. Besides, they're so much like uncle and niece it gives him the willies! And yes, having two nieces and one grand-niece has something to do with the creepy-crawlies he gets from that pairing... Actually, there's several other pairings he finds questionable too, but... He chooses to pass over them in favor of his prefered ones, and just can't understand why other's are unable to...

Again:

Make RonGo, not K/R or KiGo flamewars.


End file.
